Monthly Archives: August 2008

The Winner Of The 2008 Presidential Election Is…

John McCain has just announced his choice for his Vice Presidential candidate. It’s Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska. Prior to today, Sarah was best known as “the potential candidate for VP that McCain might go with to look hip and trendy,” as if presidential politics was a game of poker in which a white female trumps a black guy, or something.

(Forgive my cynicism, but I don’t think anyone observing American politics from the outside for as long as I have can avoid being cynical.)

There doesn’t seem to be an official time of birth for Ms. Palin around anywhere yet. What we do know is that she was born February 11th, 1964 in Sandpoint, Idaho.

Although it’s always dangerous to speculate about such things without an accurate time of birth, here’s Sarah’s major transits for Election Day.

Transiting Mars square natal Mars
Transiting Jupiter square natal Jupiter
Transiting Jupiter sextile natal Neptune
Transiting Neptune square natal Sun-Mars-Saturn

(A natal Sun-Mars-Saturn conjunction? Sounds Republican to me!)

Admittedly, it doesn’t look terribly happy for Ms. Palin.

The truth is though, I’ve been more or less deliberately avoiding doing too many calculations in an attempt to figure out who is going to win the upcoming election. And that’s certainly not due to a lack of interest. That’s not even due to the relative lack or reliable birth data.

I think astrology can tell us the outcome of the election, but not in the usual sense.

You see, transit-wise, the big news this upcoming First Tuesday In November this year is the exact Saturn/Uranus opposition in Virgo/Pisces, with Uranus retrograde. Transiting Venus is throwing in a square from Sagittarius to liven things up a little.

Uranus rules, among other things, electronics and relatively-novel technical processes. And this election, up to one-third of all ballots in the election are not going to be counted by squabbling bands of Democratic and Republican scrutineers, as the process has gone in past.

This election, up to one-third of all the ballots will be “counted” by Diebold voting machines. You know, the efficient, Uranus-ruled devices that 34 States have already been officially notified drop votes unpredictably and that can be relatively easily hacked.

The winner of the next US Presidential Election? I’m predicting a landslide… for Uranus.

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Astrology For Life On Earth

Astrological Snapshots: True Tales Of Anonymous Old Loves

I’ve wanted to write more about compatibility here, but I haven’t given in to the temptation to talk about my own experiences. That didn’t seem right somehow, given that talking about old relationships naturally means talking about the other person… and this isn’t one of those blogs where I’m going to go on about specifics, like how Heppa The Icelandic Stripper promised me the world and then broke my heart. It’s not my style to wave other people’s dirty laundry around in public.

I’ve found a solution. Below you will find snapshots presented in random order — brief extracts from the birth charts of some Significant Others — and how that part of them interacted with me both astrologically and observably.

Should any of the exes mentioned here come across this blog, they’ll probably recognize themselves. So, for you: you’ve been immortalized, in public, yet anonymously.

Isn’t that cunning of me? You always loved my brainpower…

A:

Her Moon/Ascendant trines my Sun

Her Venus sextiles my Venus

Her Mars squares my Saturn

What fantastic buddies! What jolly partners in crime! Everything was great… but we fought. Neither of us wanted it, but the amazing energies released by Mars and Saturn always ended up coming out as anger and hostility in the end. We were like a nature film of two ants fighting, where one ant gets his head ripped off… but he keeps fighting anyway. Over and over and over…

Other than the frequent decapitations, it was great.

B:

Her North Node conjuncts my Sun

Her Venus squares my Venus

Her Moon/Uranus conjunction squares my Moon/Mars opposition

I think you saw in me everything that you ultimately wanted in a man. What I don’t think you saw… and what I didn’t want to admit I saw… is that we started off in different directions and never really grew together. Which is a shame, because in a world full of crazy people, your craziness was kind and decent. May your Soul Mate Quest end as magically as you deserve.

C:

Her Moon conjuncts my Moon (in Cancer)

Her Jupiter squares my Venus

Her Sun conjuncts my Uranus/Pluto conjunction

You’re so sweet and so caring, and you love cookies as much as I do. And you are beautiful: beautiful enough to make a living from it, but too modest and shy to make a real go of it. Which is a shame, because that quality only makes you more beautiful. You wear it well, and it reflects what’s inside you.

Too bad you thought I was completely nuts and unstable and I was completely NOT what your family wanted for you.

D:

Her Mercury/Mars/Jupiter conjunction sextiles my Moon/trines my Mars

Her Pluto EXACTLY opposes my Saturn

Oh God! Everything about us was fantastic, from the bedroom where it started into the wild strange world we discovered together. But we were doomed and unstable together… as doomed and unstable as we were as individuals at that time. But, out of everyone listed here… I still empathize with you most of all. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

E:

Her Sun squares my Moon and Mars

Her Neptune conjuncts my Sun

Her Saturn/South Node forms no aspects to anything in my chart

We certainly got each other’s attention, and in many ways seemed to be the answer to each other’s prayers. We were everything the other was looking for. And yet it had all the staying power of a house of cards in a hurricane, and the practical obstacles that could have been overcome looked like mountains, from my angle.

So I choked.

F:

Her Ascendant conjuncts my Sun

Her Mercury opposes my Saturn

Her Sun squares my Mercury/Nodes

Everything about us had a feeling of Destiny. When we first met, casual though it was, time stopped, like a flashback scene from Highlander. We had known each other before, and would know each other again. And on top of that, we both seemed to be exactly what the other needed, even if we could never really define it. But when you told me you loved me… it felt forced. And I needed that from you, more than anything. More than with anyone else.

Of course, what I really needed was a mother, and what you really needed was a husband.

Too bad for both of us we already had those.

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Astrology For Life On Earth

Tell Me Where It Hurts

(Today’s entry is more of a philosophical digression than an astrology lecture. How shocking… a philosophical digression from a Sagittarius astrologer! Tomorrow on AMAZING YET TRUE: A Capricorn accountant itemizes invoices!)

***

A young man leaves his little village in Russia to attend University. He comes back the following summer on vacation and speaks to his Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” the student says, “I’ve lost faith in God.”

“And why is that?” the Rabbi asks.

The student explained. “I learned in University that all things are the way they are because that is how I perceive them. Everything exists to me only because I have a vague and inaccurate image of it in my mind. And, really… if I can’t even believe in you or your desk or the soil in my yard… how can I possibly believe in something as abstract as God?”

“So,” the Rabbi says, “you can’t even really know that, say, your own nose exists?”

“Exactly!” the student answered. “Not even my own nose.”

The Rabbi pauses thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. After a moment, the Rabbi turns to the student and punches him. Hard. In the nose.

The Rabbi then leans over the student, crumpled on the ground, holding his bloody nose and moaning.

“So, my boy,” the Rabbi says, “what hurts?

***

I’ve been thinking about Paula Abdul a lot today — specifically, about the pain she says she is in because of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome (RSDS). It is, in some ways, much like fibromyalgia… a little-understood syndrome that causes pain for barely-understood reasons, which happens more to women than to men, and is often dismissed as being “all in the head” of the sufferer.

I still stand by what I said yesterday: a tough Saturn-Neptune aspect brings with it a risk of alcoholism or drug addiction, whether one starts on that path because of physical pain or for other reasons. But the more I poured over Paula’s birth chart, the further I seem to get from what I was looking for.

I can see vertigo, diabetes, insomnia, infertility, arthritis, gout and acne in a birth chart… but damned if I can see any pain. There are no planetary rulers for “pain.” And before any of you start waving Chiron at me, I have a stack of charts here from people in pain with no Chiron involvement at all.

I think this is really the central issue that any doctor, counselor, or astrologer faces. We are fighting ghosts — intangible things that can barely be defined and are impossible to capture and identify… and yet are very real. And an astrologer deals with pain all the time — more often than not, emotional pain… but pain nonetheless. I can help find the cause. I can help suggest a treatment. I can get results. But when you get right down to it, I can’t kill the beast with a single blow any better than you or anyone else can.

But I try. That’s what I’m here for… and not just because that’s what my birth chart says.

After all, as I once told my astrology class: “If a nurse was in the room making a sandwich while you were being born, and finished it the moment you came out… you and that sandwich would have the same birth chart. But, hopefully, different futures.”

One of you will experience a lot of pain over the course of your existence. The other one will just get eaten.

(Thank you, Anonymous, for prompting this line of thought in your comment on yesterday’s blog entry)
Astrology For Life On Earth

Is Paula Abdul About To Be Voted Off Of "American Idol"?

Paula Abdul (born June 19, 1962, 2:32 PM, San Fernando California) is reportedly “thrilled” at the hiring of Kara DioGuardi as a fourth judge for American Idol.


Is she really thrilled? Or rather… should she be?

I’ve never been a regular viewer of American Idol, but I’ve seen enough of it to know where the rumours come from that Paula often shows up drunk and/or stoned. Her comments and observations are often of the fuzzy, affectionate, incoherent kind one expects to hear from someone who enjoyed a Scotch and Oxycontin cocktail or two before showing up at the party. And it’s more than a little suspicious that the Idol format everywhere else in the world seems to consist of three judges, not four. What will they do if there’s a split decision?

I could see it if Kara DioGuardi were a major star before this… ratings are what drives this thing, after all… but seriously: did YOU have a Kara DioGuardi poster in your locker in high school? Had you even heard of her before this?

The new season of American Idol will begin in mid-January, when the transiting Sun will be squaring Paula’s ascendant (public appearance), Mars will be approaching the opposition to her Midheaven (career), Jupiter will be opposing her Venus (which often stimulates the urge to drink and/or do drugs), and Saturn will be freshly entering the psychological funhouse of the 12th House (and rolling into square range of her natal Sun). For bonus points, the transiting North Node will be conjuncting her natal Saturn/South Node conjunction and squaring her natal Neptune. Note that natal Saturn-Neptune square: it’s one of the things to watch out for in the chart of a drunk/addict.

So, Paula: things aren’t looking all that brilliant for your future on American Idol. Sorry about that. It’s a shame, really… I’ve always been a huge sucker for you. Drop by some time for a drink and we can discuss this.

You bring the pills.

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Astrology For Life On Earth

House, MD: Astrologer

(SCENE: The conference room at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. DR. GREGORY HOUSE stands leaning on his cane at the whiteboard at the front of the room. He addresses his assistants: DRS. FOREMAN, CAMERON, and CHASE.)


HOUSE: Patient is a 42 year old male. Was admitted yesterday complaining of short-temperedness, lack of direction, diminished self-confidence, and ennui. He’s unresponsive to the usual stimuli.

FOREMAN: Easy. Saturn opposition.

HOUSE: C’mon Foreman… if it was really that straightforward, would it be our Case Of The Week?

CAMERON: The test results indicate that transiting Uranus is also squaring his Sun, and conjuncting his Midheaven. There’s probably a lot of stress around his career and vision of himself in life.

HOUSE: True. But let’s not get all psychological about this. I hate that sort of thing.

CHASE: But sometimes these things are psychological! Besides, he’s having his Neptune square now.

FOREMAN: Natal Neptune in the Fifth House, Transiting Neptune edging into his Ninth. That’s got “philosophical crisis” written all over it.

CAMERON: Plus depression. Let’s not forget that transiting Pluto is opposing his natal Jupiter.

CHASE: Treatment should be obvious then.

HOUSE: Right. Put him in a freezer for another six months, thaw him out when the transits are over, and he can get on with his life. Okay, next case —

CHASE: You can’t do that!

CAMERON: He needs to work through these things!

FOREMAN: It’s obvious. The patient is undergoing a number of bad transits, Uranus is conjuncting his natal Chiron… a planet the patient himself admits he often neglects in his own chart. He could work through this by understanding his basic internal symbolic composition.

HOUSE: I hate that Jungian crap!

CAMERON: But if the patient is able to find philosophical meaning in it, that will keep him alive until these transits pass. It’s a lot better than freezing him, anyway.

CHASE: Maybe some form of creative outlet would help.

FOREMAN: Maybe… writing a blog entry about it!

CAMERON: That’s brilliant!

CHASE: Chiron really can be useful in a practical way, you know.

HOUSE: (Waving his cane angrily) You give me that “wounded healer” crap one more time and I swear I’ll use this thing on you!

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(Read all my latest stuff HERE, for free. Maybe find your soul mate too…)

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Astrology For Life On Earth

Things Go Wrong At The Gemini-Sagittarius Debate

MODERATOR: Thank you for joining us for the first in a series of debates for the leadership of the Zodiac. Tonight, Gemini and Sagittarius will discuss the issues. Sagittarius has won the coin toss —

SAGITTARIUS: Well, I do have the reputation for being lucky…

MOD: — and will go first. Sag?

SAG: Thanks. A lot of people have complained that there is no real choice in this election. I’d like to take the time now to point out the many significant differences between myself and my opposing sign. First of all —

GEMINI: Bor-ing!

SAG: Beg your pardon?

GEM: You know, supposedly I have the reputation for being the yappy one. Two to one though says you’ve got ten minutes of material there about how you’re all philosophical and stuff, and how I’m just “flighty.”

SAG: Have you been reading my notes?

GEM: No, I just know you. I know how you can take one philosophical stance… whether you’ve really thought it through or not… and spin it into a long tale that sounds like it’s all well thought out. But sometimes it isn’t. And I’m calling you on it.

SAG: Listen, scatterbrain: you haven’t thought out your positions well enough to call anyone on anything. I say you just catalogue data and then use that to argue against anyone who thinks differently from you.

GEM: And that’s so different from you how, exactly?

SAG: I… you suck!

GEM: Yeah, well YOU suck!

MOD: Please, could we return to the debate please?

SAG: Who’s the nimrod who hired Virgo to moderate this thing anyway?

GEM: Yeah. Virgo’s kind of like us in a way, but they’re so… Virgo-ish.

SAG: Yeah. They’re that thing, that Virgo thing. They’re so… they’re like the intellectual hallway monitors of the Zodiac.

GEM: Good one, dude! (pauses) This debate sucks.

SAG: Yeah. Hey, wanna go drinking?

GEM: Sure, let’s go. I’ll drive.

SAG: No, I’ll drive.

GEM: No, I’ll drive!

SAG: No…

Astrology For Life On Earth

The Secret Buddha Palm Technique Of Ultimate Astrology Mastery!

Okay, I admit it: I picked the title for this entry because it’s a lot more exciting sounding than “Derivative Houses: An Under-appreciated Astrological Technique.” But if you are learning astrology, the Derivative Houses Technique really is a great way to bring depth to your understanding of a birth chart.

“Derivative Houses” is a technique primarily used in horary astrology — the art of interpreting a “birth chart” for the moment a question is asked in order to determine the answer. It’s also useful in natal astrology.

Here’s how it works:

The Third House of a birth chart represents siblings (among other things), the Seventh House represents your partner (among other things), and the Ninth House represents Higher Education (among other things). So… to oversimplify… someone with Uranus in the Third House, Mars in the Seventh, and Saturn in the Ninth might have an eccentric sister, athletic (or cranky) spouse, and trouble paying for (or completing) college.

Derivative Houses is a technique where the birth chart is “turned” so that the house ruling the subject in question becomes the First House. So, we turn the chart so that the Third House becomes the “First House.”

Now, re-count those House numbers, starting with the new First House as “one.” What used to be the Seventh House now becomes the Fifth House (the Seventh being five Houses away from the Third). There’s Mars… and there’s your eccentric sister’s athletic son and/or romantic taste for jerks. Saturn, which was in your Ninth, is now your sister’s Seventh… and sure enough, she ended up marrying one of those jerks she was attracted to and can’t get rid of the guy.

Oh well. At least she got a future Olympian out of the deal.

Try playing with the concept yourself, with your own birth chart and those of people you know well. You may find that the Sixth House Neptune that’s always messing with your immune system also explains why your sister (Third House) had a weirder relationship with your Mom than you did… the Sixth House being the Fourth House from the Third.

Your Third House Uranus is six houses (Sixth House: daily details and work habits) from your Tenth… which might explain why you’re always having trouble with the software and procedures at work. And that Ninth House Saturn is the Twelfth House from the Tenth… so you might have a hard time getting work with the government.

Derivative Houses can add real depth to the interpretation of a birth chart, making you a better astrologer. Which, if you think about it, might be even better than being a Kung Fu master.

Well… it’s safer, anyway.

Astrology For Life On Earth

I’m Scorpio, And I Approved This Message

My opposing sign, Taurus, has been slinging the bull around about my reputation. Dirty campaign tactics like that are uncalled for, and leave it to Taurus to fight dirty and come across all sweet and sunshiny about it.

Leadership requires an ability to take action. When that red phone rings at three AM, you’ll want to have someone in charge who is willing to make the tough decisions. Heck, you might even want someone in charge who enjoys the thought of blasting an opponent… especially one who really really deserves it.

I do not, as you may have been told, sit back and fume over things and slowly plot my horrifying revenge. I act on those impulses as soon as I can and get it done, so I can move on to other matters.

You know who you are, people.

In addition to my willingness to take bold action, you’ll find that I am as kind, compassionate, caring, and even-handed as any other sign. I believe that if you take an honest objective look at my record, you’ll see that too.

Thank you for your time, and for listening patiently. I’ll untie you from that chair now.

I’m Scorpio, and I approved this message.

Astrology For Life On Earth