(Venus in Pisces is considered to be an “exalted” placement: full of open-hearted non-judgmental love and willingness to express it. Mars in Virgo is looking to win by analyzing the details. The two positions are opposite each other, and Venus opposition Mars is in full effect now.)
(SCENE: Late night at Acme Laboratories. In a darkened corner two laboratory mice in a cage are huddled over a tiny little computer, checking out a dating site.)
PINKY: Oy, what about this one, Brain? She seems really nice, and oh look… she likes long walks! That could come in handy. Narf!
BRAIN: Don’t be ridiculous, Pinky. Pay attention to the rest of her ad. “Must be goal-oriented and self sufficient.”
PINKY: Well, that’s you, isn’t it?
BRAIN: That’s a code-phrase for “she’s a gold-digger” Pinky. You know I can’t touch my savings. I need it for a new Death Ray!
PINKY: Oh, okay. Hey, look at this ad! She says she’s easygoing and appreciates being able to relax with a loved one over a glass of fine wine!
BRAIN: She has low standards and a drinking problem. Next!
PINKY: Well, SurferGirl67 likes classical music like you do…
BRAIN: I hate what she’s done with her hair.
PINKY: This one has a fondness for animals…
BRAIN: I am an animal! She’d never be faithful!
PINKY: SunshineLover81 enjoys spending time on the beach and —
BRAIN: –and is an unmotivated skin-cancer candidate.
PINKY: AudreyJ has loved and lost but is ready to try again…
BRAIN: Too many issues with her ex.
PINKY: JJLaRue says she’s wild, spontaneous, and affectionate…
PINKY: IowaHomegirl wants a committed relationship that lines up with her values…
PINKY: Narf! You aren’t making this easy, Brain! You’re analyzing everything to death!
BRAIN: (Turns off computer and walks to the edge of the cage, stares off into the distance) Enough of this foolishness! You know what we’re going to do tonight, Pinky?
PINKY: Go out and try to find someone in person, so we can see them for who they really are instead of dismissing them offhandedly based on a few lines of type and a couple of pictures?
BRAIN: No Pinky. We’re going to try to take over the world with my army of remote controlled pigeons I’ve trained to poop on anyone whop dares challenge our dominance. It’s a much more practical and achievable goal.
PINKY: (sighs) I’m lonely.
BRAIN: Shut up Pinky.
(This Thursday on “Conquer The Universe With Astrology”: it’s Astrology: The Pants-Optional Venus And Mars Show.” Click HERE to set a reminder… and bring a date if you like.)