Monthly Archives: November 2013

The Astrology Of Your Inner Moon Child: Moon In Pisces

matthew currie astrology moon in pisces

(I am presenting excerpts about Moon Signs from my book… a brief humorous description, followed by an appropriate Children’s Story. And keep on scrolling down for my best deal on astrological readings EVER. Enjoy!)

MOON IN PISCES

What a sweet, kind, wonderful, empathic creature you are! You are welcome in any environment and there is always room for you at a gathering, rather like Jell-O at a buffet. And usually, you end up suffering the same fate as Jell-O at a buffet: either ignored because everyone filled up on something more exciting, or swallowed whole and forgotten five minutes after the bill is paid. Being a gentle being at heart, you are unlikely to stand up for yourself in either eventuality. You are kind to a fault to everyone except perhaps yourself, which is who you usually end up blaming things on.

You have a dreamy vibe to you, and have probably experienced some form of psychic phenomena. This is a good thing, because your analytical skills probably aren’t the greatest and you need all the help you can get. Rudeness and unkindness are foreign to you, despite the fact that you are often on the receiving end of it. In a world populated entirely by people with Moon in Pisces, there would be no war or intolerance — but plenty of sedatives and antidepressants. In your relationships, you have probably given a lot more love than you’ve received, but are too nice to complain about it.

THE MOON IN PISCES STORY

“Oh, this is terrible, terrible!” Goldilocks sobbed as she laid her head down on the table and pounded her fists, making the dishes jump. “I was lost in the woods, and it wasn’t my fault, and I was so hungry… and your porridge looked so good! And I was going to leave a note apologizing! And I was going to leave money and a coupon for more porridge too!”

“And now…” she paused to blow her nose… “Now I’m going to get eaten by bears! And I love bears! They’re so cute and fuzzy, how could I not? It’s so unfair!”

“Listen, lady, I don’t know where you think you are,” The Mad Hatter said as he poured himself more tea, “but you’re obviously at the wrong party. Now shove off. All that crying is making the Dormouse wet.”

BLACK FRIDAY SAVINGS ON READINGS CONTINUE with my best offer of the year! Write today for details!

…Hey, it’s plenty better than fighting some kid over the last XBox, isn’t it?

 

The Astrology Of Thanksgiving/Hanukkah/Black Friday/Cyber Monday/Whatever

...Mom...?

…Mom…?

If you’ve noticed a certain sense of materialistic and/or food based agitation going on out there, you aren’t alone. Not only is it Thanksgivvukashopaholism Week, but Venus is opposite Jupiter for the entire stretch of time between now and early next week. Now, normally you’d expect a person with that aspect in their birth chart to be pretty sweet and pleasant and sociable, but when combined with the pressures to buy and to spend and to eat that come at this time of year, this transit could be a recipe for insanity.

So: why not fulfill your materialistic obligations towards friends and family with something a little more pleasant than fighting a crowd, less jerky than doing business with a place making its employees work on Thanksgiving, and way more awesome than a pair of socks?

Between now and Monday, I am offering my exclusive Thanksgivvukashopaholism Week Special on readings! You’ll get my BEST PRICE OF THE YEAR on a reading, PLUS a customized daily Kepler forecast, PLUS the thrill of getting a personal service that can really change your life from a guy who writes for Beliefnet, just like Deepak Chopra does sometimes! It makes a fantastic gift for yourself or for someone else… and the more you order, the better the deal gets.

Write today for details!

…Hey, it’s plenty better than fighting some kid over the last XBox, isn’t it?

 

Love And Sex In The Stars: Who Do You Love?

1482986_10152027985961206_938759511_nThe intersection of astrology and human hearts — who knows what things collide there? We do! Join Hilary and Matthew every week for fun, advice, tea and sympathy as we delve deep into the darkest reaches of the human heart and shine a little starlight in!

THIS EPISODE: We talk about what we love about each Sign, and the people who represent them. ALSO: a thrilling true-life tale of a Mars transits and an imperiled kitten. Yes, really.

Today at 4 PM Eastern/1 PM Pacific

CLICK HERE TO SET A REMINDER,

LISTEN LIVE, OR CATCH THE PODCAST!

 

 

The Astrology Of Your Inner Moon Child: Moon In Aquarius

matthew currie astrology moon in aquarius(I am presenting excerpts about Moon Signs from my book… a brief humorous description, followed by an appropriate Children’s Story. Enjoy!)

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MOON IN AQUARIUS

If you have Moon in Aquarius, you have a wonderfully open and accepting approach to life, which makes you a great companion and a terrible security guard. You don’t handle jealously well, because others can’t tell you who or what you should be… especially given that you may not know those things yourself. Moon in Aquarius has a wonderful ability to empathize with everyone, to the point where you become both the psychotherapist and the guy in the tinfoil hat. You often deal with this by trying to take a step back and logically evaluating your relationships, which may be wise but isn’t terribly romantic. You often stop and ask yourself how you feel about things, and often an answer is ages in coming.

Moon in Aquarius recognizes that all men are brothers, and you are always willing to help your brother out — unless we’re talking about an emergency loan, in which case all men are complete strangers and should go away. Nonetheless, people can (and do) find ways to take advantage of you at times. You are rarely cruel or mean, and can’t usually stand the thought of hurting anyone. This makes you a wonderful friend and a terrible surgeon.

 

THE MOON IN AQUARIUS STORY

“Off with her head!” The Queen commanded as she pointed at Alice. The Queen’s footmen all swarmed on Alice, and she threw up her arms defensively.

Then Alice grabbed several of the footmen and began arranging them in groups of four. “That’s not how it’s played at all” she said to the Queen. Alice then turned to the footmen in the back of the crowd. “Okay, you guys lie down in a pile, face down. Neatly, now.”

“Off with her head!” The Queen shouted, more angrily than before.

“Now that’s no way to run a poker tournament, Your Majesty.” Alice responded. “Here’s how it’s done.” She pointed to the group of four footmen closest to her. “See, I have a pair of eights here. So, Three and Nine, you go stand over there. Now, the two guys at the top of the pile over there? You guys come here.” Puzzled, the two footmen at the top of the pile complied. Alice smiled. “Oh boy! Three of a kind!”

“OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!”

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The Astrology Of Your Inner Moon Child: Moon In Capricorn

matthew currie astrology moon in capricorn(In preparation for my upcoming online course entitled THE MOON AND YOU, I am presenting excerpts about Moon Signs from my book… a brief humorous description, followed by an appropriate Children’s Story. Enjoy!)

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MOON IN CAPRICORN

Just as Moon in Sagittarius is the life of the party, Moon in Capricorn is the clean-up crew that necessarily must follow afterwards. You have a reputation for being calm, contained, and maybe a little distant. This is because you have a tremendous depth of feeling that needs to be protected by maintaining emotional self-control. This can either eventually drive yourself or those who care about you completely nuts. Moon in Capricorn often comes across as managing its personal relationships with ruthless efficiency, which may be wise but isn’t terribly romantic.

You usually find one thing, place, or person in which to place your sense of emotional security. If that’s another person, you are probably fairly young (and haven’t learned how untrustworthy humans can be) or fairly old (and have spent most of your life overcoming your suspicions). Your defensiveness can be strangely appealing to other people who enjoy solving emotional mysteries, and can be frustrating as hell to everyone else. Moon in Capricorn strives for emotional self-sufficiency, which is as admirable as it is impossible.

THE MOON IN CAPRICORN STORY

“Tell me my name and you can have your baby!” The little man said.

“It’s Rumpelstiltskin!” the Miller’s Daughter said triumphantly.

Rumpelstiltskin pondered this for a moment, and then removed a contract from his back pocket. “Here you go,” he said as he handed it to her. “Spell it right, otherwise the agreement is void!”

The Miller’s Daughter thought about this for a moment and then filled in the form. Rumpelstiltskin examined it and found that, surprisingly, she had gotten it right.

“Okay then,” he said. “Now all you have to do is find a Notary before midnight to make it legal and binding.”

“But it’s 11:30 at night! And it’s a Saturday!” The Miller’s Daughter shouted in disbelief.

Rumpelstiltskin chuckled. “You shoulda read the fine print on the original agreement, sucker.”

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The Surprise Reading Special is now ALL MONTH LONG! CLICK HERE for details!

My new online course — THE MOON AND YOU — with Aliza from MoonPluto Astrology begins November 16th — CLICK HERE for more information!

Love And Sex In The Stars: April Elliot Kent

AprilKentTHIS EPISODE: Join us as astrologer April Elliot Kent and I discuss relationships, romance, setting a wedding date with astrology, and (probably) Breaking Bad, among other things.

4 PM EASTERN, 1 PM PACIFIC

CLICK HERE TO SET A REMINDER, LISTEN LIVE,

OR CATCH THE PODCAST!

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The Surprise Reading Special is now ALL MONTH LONG! CLICK HERE for details!

My new online course — THE MOON AND YOU — with Aliza from MoonPluto Astrology begins November 16th — CLICK HERE for more information!

The Astrology Of Your Inner Moon Child: Moon In Sagittarius

matthew currie astrology moon in sagittarius

(In preparation for my upcoming online course entitled THE MOON AND YOU, I am presenting excerpts about Moon Signs from my book… a brief humorous description, followed by an appropriate Children’s Story. Enjoy!)

***

MOON IN SAGITTARIUS

You are probably what people consider to be “the life of the party.” Unfortunately for you, you also bring that vibe to court hearings and funerals where perhaps that vibe doesn’t belong. People with Moon in Sagittarius are often described as “irrepressible,” and for good reason: there are many times when you can or should be repressed. You are caring and sympathetic and have a hard time seeing other people down or depressed. This makes you a supportive friend and makes you tend to take it far too easy on people who should be considered your enemy. Moon in Sagittarius can become depressed, and on those rare occasions when it does, it throws everything into it.

Moon in Sagittarius often enjoys a wide circle of friends and often takes a playful, fun approach to its closest relationships. This is a problem when your partner gets tired of you always being out playing with your friends. You mean well, of course, but have a hard time understanding that no, we can’t always “just get along.” Moon in Sagittarius functions best in an environment of like-minded individuals, which (in your case) often means children and/or dogs. You often have a gift for seeing the future, which is a good thing, because you don’t pay enough attention to the here and now.

THE MOON IN SAGITTARIUS STORY

“Little pig, little pig, let me in!” The Wolf shouted at the Brick House. After a moment, a silver projectile launched from the upstairs window and landed at the Wolf’s feet. It was a beer can.

“Okay, drink that first!” a voice said from inside.

The Wolf did so, and began to shout again at the House. “Little pig, little pig –“

Another can flew out the window. “Not yet. Keep drinking!” the little voice said from inside the house, where loud dance music soon began thumping.

This process repeated itself for another hour and a half. By the end of the evening, The Big Bad Wolf was inside the brick house, lying on the floor and moaning “I love you guys!” to his new-found friends. He spent most of the night alternately singing and complaining about his lackluster love life to the Three Little Pigs.

The next morning, The Big Bad Wolf awoke before the pigs did, and he promptly ate them.

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The Surprise Reading Special is now ALL MONTH LONG! CLICK HERE for details!

My new online course — THE MOON AND YOU — with Aliza from MoonPluto Astrology begins November 16th — CLICK HERE for more information!

The Astrology Of Your Inner Moon Child: Moon In Scorpio

matthew currie astrology moon in scorpio(In preparation for my upcoming online course entitled THE MOON AND YOU, I am presenting excerpts about Moon Signs from my book… a brief humorous description, followed by an appropriate Children’s Story. Enjoy!)

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MOON IN SCORPIO

Moon in Scorpio has a difficult reputation among a lot of astrologers. People with this placement are often accused of being jealous, controlling, spiteful, and hard to get along with when they are annoyed. That’s unfortunate, because it isn’t your fault that people are so unfaithful, stupid, and disagreeable. It’s just lucky for everyone else that you are here to set them straight, loudly and repeatedly, until they either get the point or stop breathing.

People with Moon in Scorpio have deep, intense feelings. If there is anything “surface” about you at all, it’s only for the same reason that the trap-door spider hunts the way it does: it’s more efficient to let your prey come to you and then be surprised. On the positive side, people rarely have to guess how you feel about them. You can be fiercely loyal and unswerving in your opinions. You can also be fiercely unswerving to avoid a collision with someone who is aiming for the same parking spot you had your eye on.

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THE MOON IN SCORPIO STORY

“M-m-my, wh-what b-big eyes y-you have,” The Big Bad Wolf stuttered nervously as the red pinpoint of the laser sight danced on his chest.

“That’s right… “Granny,” Little Red Riding Hood said. “And what are you going to do with them?”
“I — I’m going to… see you with them?” The Wolf hazarded.

“No!” Little Red shouted as she slapped the Wolf across the face. “you’re going to use them to find the kitchen. There, you will cough up Grandma, and the two of you are going to bake me cookies. Lots of cookies. And you’re going to do it until you get it right!”

The Wolf sobbed. “Isn’t some Woodsman supposed to come in at this point and end my suffering?” The Wolf whimpered.

“Change of plans, Wolfie,” Red said. “He pissed me off on the way over here. He won’t be going ANYWHERE for a while…”

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The Surprise Reading Special is now ALL MONTH LONG! CLICK HERE for details!

My new online course — THE MOON AND YOU — with Aliza from MoonPluto Astrology begins November 16th — CLICK HERE for more information!

The Astrology Of Your Inner Moon Child: Moon In Libra

matthew currie astrology moon in libra(In preparation for my upcoming online course entitled THE MOON AND YOU, I am presenting excerpts about Moon Signs from my book… a brief humorous description, followed by an appropriate Children’s Story. Enjoy!)

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MOON IN LIBRA

Moon in Libra is sweet and kind and caring… or possibly a total pushover who can’t stand for themselves. The two are often mistaken for each other, but especially in people with this Moon placement. People tend not to have too many bad things to say about you, but sometimes that’s because you haven’t made that much of an impression one way or another. You’d think that your finer qualities would make you more appreciated by others, and that is often the case. Unfortunately, in a dog-eat-dog world, you are often appreciated in the same way a dog appreciates a slice of bacon.

You have a natural empathy with others, and this can make you indecisive. And you are likely to be accommodating enough to let others make a lot of decisions for you, whether you’re conscious of it or not. You would make a gifted speaker or activist for human rights and equality issues, if you can get over your natural urge to not rock the boat. When Moon in Libra develops control issues, it usually does so because “it’s for your own good.” Moon in Libra is often “in love with love,” which is much easier and safer than actually being in love with an actual person.

THE MOON IN LIBRA STORY

The Prince kneeled down beside the still form of the Princess and placed a single gentle kiss upon her lips. Her eyes fluttered and she awoke. “Oh, that was lovely,” she said. “Do it again.”


The Prince kissed her again. After a moment she reached up to straighten his collar. “It must have been a lot of work getting in here. Your shirt is wrinkled. And are you sure this is a good color for you? Green would have worked better with your eyes. “Do you like what I’ve done with our room? I got the drapes on sale.”

” ‘Our’ room?” The Prince asked. “What do you mean?”

“Well, of course, silly boy, we have to get married now. I want six children. You can name the odd-numbered ones if you like. And we can have the ceremony on either a Thursday or a Saturday, your choice. And of course you’ll have approval over the guest list, and the dinner…. except I really want Beef Wellington.”

“I’m sorry,” The Prince said. “What was your name again…?”

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The Surprise Reading Special is now ALL MONTH LONG! CLICK HERE for details!

My new online course — THE MOON AND YOU — with Aliza from MoonPluto Astrology begins November 16th — CLICK HERE for more information!