Category Archives: commentary

"In The Stars": New Astrology (And Maybe Your Soul Mate) For Free!

Hi again everyone. Just dropping by to update you on things….

First of all, “Conquer The Universe With Astrology” will be back on Blogtalkradio in future… but not until I’ve revealed The Next Big Thing. All I’m saying right now is that it’s Big, it’s Next, and it’ll be worth the wait. In the meantime, there’s probably plenty you missed, so click here and have a listen!

Second: Looking for my new stuff? It’s all in Astrologydating.com’s brand new weekly newsletter, “In The Stars.” Click here to sign up absolutely free! 

THIS WEEK: 

The Moon’s Nodes And Your Karmic Loop

The June 19th New Moon: This Moon, It’s Personal

The Weekend Romance Forecast

And hey… have a look at the rest of the site too. Your soul mate may be kicking around in the back there, somewhere…

Finally: Do I still send out Free Stuff to anyone who e-mails me? Write me and find out!

And now, here’s Whiplash The Cowboy Monkey. I promise you… he’s not a member of Astrologydating.com.
Astrology For Life On Earth

Your Guide To Conquering The Universe: Part II

Thanks to my show, “Conquer The Universe With Astrology,” a lot of new people are coming to this blog… and I’m grateful for every last one of you. But if you’ve come here lately, all you’ve seen basically are the promos for my shows, and you probably haven’t had a dig through my vast back catalog of useful and amusing blog entries. My Compatibility Guides and videos included!

So: if you want to learn, you want to laugh, understand, seduce or just appreciate someone else (or yourself)… here’s my stuff, by sign… click, read, and enjoy

Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces!

If you liked any or all of the above… there’s more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It’s what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise…

And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!

Astrology For Life On Earth

Papers Please: Saturn Is Detained At The Virgo-Libra Border

(My usual stuff is HERE at Astrologydating.com, and you can write me HERE for details on a reading, and free stuff!)

(SCENE: A small customs office at the Virgo-Libra border. Outside, on the Virgo side of the border, a small crowd is gathered, cheering and waving banners that say things like “Good Riddance!” and “See you in 28 Years!” On the Libra side of the border, a few somberly-dressed tour guides quietly await their new client. Inside the Custom’s Office, SATURN sits patiently in his long black robe at a desk while a LIBRA security guard examines SATURN’S papers.)

LIBRA: Business, or pleasure?

SATURN: Pleasure. (pauses) Just kidding.

LIBRA: Okay, everything looks in order here. You have baggage?

SATURN: (Lifts an improbably large suitcase) Just this one bag.

LIBRA: All right. The dogs didn’t smell any controlled substances (raises his rubber stamp above SATURN’S passport) so you’re all clear to —

(Suddenly, the door behind the guard bursts open, and MEL GIBSON bursts into the room)

MEL GIBSON: (Shouting) Stop that motherBLEEPing planet!! (His speech throughout is interrupted by a “bleeping” sound that seems to appear out of nowhere)

LIBRA: (Startled) What are you doing here? You aren’t even a Libra!

MEL GIBSON: This BLEEPer has been BLEEPing with me for too BLEEPing long! (MEL GIBSON pulls a semiautomatic pistol out of his jacket and unloads the entire clip into SATURN’S chest. LIBRA ducks under the table.) Die you BLEEPing piece of BLEEP!

SATURN: (Completely unimpressed) Yeah, like that was going to do you any good.

MEL GIBSON: BLEEP! BLEEP! I hate you motherBLEEPer! I don’t deserve the BLEEP you’ve BLEEPing given me! My Moon is at zero BLEEPing degrees Libra and it’s ruining my BLEEPing personal and professional life!

SATURN: (Calmly explaining to LIBRA, who is still under the table) Mr. Gibson is clearly displeased with the nature of my work. You see, it’s my job to —

MEL GIBSON: It should be your job to shut the BLEEP up and go BLEEP yourself! I hate you! You hear me? You do NOTHING for me!

SATURN: Actually, in the long run, I do plenty for you. You see, as a person goes through their life they do various things that could be considered “right” or “wrong,” both in a practical and a larger, spiritual sense. I’m just here to provide —

(Several security guards enter the room and drag MEL GIBSON away)

MEL GIBSON: I hope you get gangBLEEPed by a bunch of BLEEPs until your BLEEP falls off, you BLEEPing — (the guards drag MEL away and the door closes.)

LIBRA: (After a long pause) So, um… what’s in the suitcase?

SATURN: (Patting the suitcase affectionately) Karma. Lots and lots of Karma.

Astrology For Life On Earth

The Astrology Of Dumb Yahoo Answers

Um… no.
Virgo men can often be indecisive. Fortunately, as a Virgo, he’s probably already got something in his medicine cabinet that will help. Crush it up, mix it with alcohol, and when he nods off… throw him in the trunk of your car. Drive him home and keep him in the basement until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in.
Tauruses can be stubborn, but are easily persuaded with rich foods. Try a box of doughnuts. Barring that, you could need a new solenoid.
Wait… are you really sure they’re two different Geminis?
Whichever one buys the most drinks. Hey, that isn’t astrology, that’s biology.
It probably has something to do with the years of study and practice it takes to become a decent astrologer, just to find out there are so many people handing out bad (but free) astrological advice on the Internet. And hey… did I mention you can write me for details on my Consultation Specials…?
Astrology For Life On Earth

A Note On The Upcoming Eclipse, Delivered By Vuvuzela

Another brief break from my usual blog at The World’s Mightiest Astrology Dating Site today, to deliver a personal message about the effects of the upcoming eclipse on June 26th.
If you are familiar with the effects of a regular Full Moon on your birth chart, you know that you should look at your chart to see what houses the transiting Sun and Moon fall in at the time of the Full Moon. Then you pay attention to those department of your life in the upcoming couple of weeks or so. It’s a little reminder about those things, kind of like this:
That’s exactly how you should look at the upcoming eclipse. Nothing to worry about, right? Except of course, it’s not a friendly little honking noise like a kid riding his bike on the street.
…It’s more like that. So, you see, as long as all the other transits and progressions you’re having are peaceful and harmonious, there’s absolutely no reason to —

…worry about the dramatic long-term effects of something as mundane as an eclipse. So please, people, let’s not over-react to —
…anything difficult happening in your life right now, because honestly, an eclipse isn’t all THAT big a deal, and I’m not the least bit concerned about —
—things. I really hate the thought of anyone over-reacting to something as simple as a little old eclipse, even if Pluto, Uranus, and Jupiter are all heavily involved.
Okay, on second thought… maybe this eclipse is kinda significant.
***
UPDATE: I am still doing personal consultations. Write me for details, and don’t forget to ask about my blog-readers —
Astrology For Life On Earth

Transits: Enough Rope

Today: a break from my usual blogging at Astrologydating.com for a more personal take on how transits work:
Off and on since late 2009 (and mostly on), transiting Saturn in Virgo has been squaring my natal Jupiter, and for most of that time, Uranus has been opposing that Saturn, and (in turn) squaring my natal Jupiter from the other side of the sky. This has all made for a lot of ups and downs in my personal fortunes and my general satisfaction levels with life, and if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I’ve griped about Saturn in Virgo transits before
Because of retrogrades, a lot of transits come in three parts: transit, retrograde back, then the transiting planet goes forward and does it for a third and final time. With a difficult transit, it’s a little like being hit by a truck, then the truck backs over you, then the truck takes off and runs you over again while it drives away. And admittedly, that’s what my Saturn situation has felt like.
Yesterday the final peak of the Saturn transit passed the point where it squared my Jupiter for the last time. It was a day of significant mixed feelings for me. I usually advice my clients to review what happened in their lives when they reach this point in a troublesome outer-planet transit. So I spent a good couple of hours yesterday, looking at the results of the last year and a half or so had gotten me in my life.
Part of me was pleased that I had played the karmic hand I had been dealt as well as I have. And, after all, I’m still alive… and how can you complain about that? 
On the other hand… part of me kept hearing David Byrne, from about the 2:30 mark of “Once In A Lifetime,” saying “my God, what have I done?” over and over again…

The lesson is this: Life always give you enough rope to hang on to, and enough to hang yourself with. The choice is yours.

My new stuff usually appears HERE, and if you’re looking for a consultation (big discounts in effect NOW!) or further info on my books, you can contact me HERE.
Astrology For Life On Earth

Mars In Virgo: Let’s Trim Our Hair In Accordance With The Socialist Lifestyle!

We create our own dramas for our own amusement, and frequently participate in the dramas of others for the same reason. This is one of the reasons why television is so popular. It’s that time of year where many TV series are winding up, and this can leave people a little restless, having to wait months to find out what their favorite characters will do next. It’s enough to make a person want to create a little drama in their own story lines to fill in the gap.

Astrologically, Mars is often the source of interpersonal drama, and Mars is in Virgo now (where it will remain until the end of July). This placement is exacting, precise, and (when it knows what it wants) is not afraid to use tactics like pickiness, nagging, and sharp words to get its way, even when it isn’t being direct and exact as to what its actual needs are. That’s the tone Mars is bringing to many interpersonal squabbles of late.
Astrology For Life On Earth

Mars In Virgo: Let’s Trim Our Hair In Accordance With The Socialist Lifestyle!

We create our own dramas for our own amusement, and frequently participate in the dramas of others for the same reason. This is one of the reasons why television is so popular. It’s that time of year where many TV series are winding up, and this can leave people a little restless, having to wait months to find out what their favorite characters will do next. It’s enough to make a person want to create a little drama in their own story lines to fill in the gap.
Astrologically, Mars is often the source of interpersonal drama, and Mars is in Virgo now (where it will remain until the end of July). This placement is exacting, precise, and (when it knows what it wants) is not afraid to use tactics like pickiness, nagging, and sharp words to get its way, even when it isn’t being direct and exact as to what its actual needs are. That’s the tone Mars is bringing to many interpersonal squabbles of late.
Astrology For Life On Earth

Uranus In Aries: The First Day Of School For Humanity

Here I was… all ready to tell you about my current special deal on readings… discounts, free stuff, and more… when the larger implications of all my recent astrological research fell into place with a dramatic thump.

Every once in a while, you’ve got to go out on a limb… astrologers included. I normally don’t predict anything specific for anyone in the course of a consultation unless I have plenty of reason to back up what I’m saying. As a result, thankfully, I’m usually right, even about the crazier, less-easily-predicted things that come up. 

Having said that… here’s me, out on a very big limb.

I think I’ve figured out what the Big Message will be with Uranus in Aries, combined with Pluto in Capricorn. It seems to me that when you put the two together… the undeniable transformation of how we view our material world and surroundings that will come with Pluto in Capricorn,. combined with the “what about me?” rebelliousness of Uranus in Aries.. we’re going to be getting one undeniably huge result. And I think I’ve figured out exactly what form that will take.

It may be hidden away in the red, surprisingly damp soil of an otherwise dead-looking desert millions of miles away from us. It may make its voice known in a faint radio signal. Or it may be something even more dramatic… but one way or another, before Uranus leaves Aries in March, 2019, I believe we’re going to discover something that may have been shouting at us from the sky since long before we had the ears to hear it.

We’re all going to be a little less alone, whether that fits comfortably with everyone’s world view or not. And how tragically limiting… holding to a single world, or a single world view, when there’s just so much of everything out there.

It will be the beginning of humanity really grasping its place in the Universe. And, who knows? It could be the beginning of a fascinating conversation.

“It’s the first day of school, fellas…”

Astrology For Life On Earth

What I Do… And What I Don’t Do

When I say I’m an astrologer, most people don’t really know what the job entails, and that job varies from practitioner to practitioner. Let me tell you what I do.

I am a counselor, much like a regular counselor you’d see if there was a problem with your love life or your finances or your health or family. In many ways, it’s exactly that straightforward. Unlike most standard counselors, I don’t have to spend weeks or months fishing around for the finer details of your existence. I certainly don’t know EVERYTHING from looking at a birth chart, but it saves a tremendous amount of time that way.

With a birth chart in place, we can figure out fairly quickly, and in detail, exactly who you are, where you’re at, and where you’re headed.

Here is what I DON’T do:

I don’t tell you what (if anything) God, the Universe, Karma, or whatever really wants from you, or why. I don’t feel it’s my place to expound on these things. A doctor can tell you to change your diet or exercise more or whatever… but your doctor certainly shouldn’t pass himself off as a divine, all-knowing sage. There are a lot of people in my line of work who come across this way. I’m not comfortable with that. If I was, I’d be a priest or a rabbi or something.

If your sink is clogged, your plumber may advise you to stop pouring bacon fat down the drain. If he spends 45 minutes first telling you about the bad karma you generated during a past life as a pig farmer in Atlantis, does that get the water flowing any faster?

I provide guidance and clarity and a context for life, plus an assessment of where things are going to go… both for yourself and for the others in your life.

Welcome aboard. I hope to see you come back soon. Heck, I might even make it worth your while.

And one more thing: yes, I can see your future too…

Astrology For Life On Earth