Thanks to my show, “Conquer The Universe With Astrology,” a lot of new people are coming to this blog… and I’m grateful for every last one of you. But if you’ve come here lately, all you’ve seen basically are the promos for my shows, and you probably haven’t had a dig through my vast back catalog of useful and amusing blog entries. My Compatibility Guides and videos included!
So: if you want to learn, you want to laugh, understand, seduce or just appreciate someone else (or yourself)… here’s my stuff, by sign… click, read, and enjoy
If you liked any or all of the above… there’s more to come in the future! Please feel free to drop by and visit my Donations Page. It’s what keeps me going and, and you might just get a surprise…
And yes, I still send free stuff to everyone who writes me!
(SCENE: A small customs office at the Virgo-Libra border. Outside, on the Virgo side of the border, a small crowd is gathered, cheering and waving banners that say things like “Good Riddance!” and “See you in 28 Years!” On the Libra side of the border, a few somberly-dressed tour guides quietly await their new client. Inside the Custom’s Office, SATURN sits patiently in his long black robe at a desk while a LIBRA security guard examines SATURN’S papers.)
LIBRA: Business, or pleasure?
SATURN: Pleasure. (pauses) Just kidding.
LIBRA: Okay, everything looks in order here. You have baggage?
SATURN: (Lifts an improbably large suitcase) Just this one bag.
LIBRA: All right. The dogs didn’t smell any controlled substances (raises his rubber stamp above SATURN’S passport) so you’re all clear to —
(Suddenly, the door behind the guard bursts open, and MEL GIBSON bursts into the room)
MEL GIBSON: (Shouting) Stop that motherBLEEPing planet!! (His speech throughout is interrupted by a “bleeping” sound that seems to appear out of nowhere)
LIBRA: (Startled) What are you doing here? You aren’t even a Libra!
MEL GIBSON: This BLEEPer has been BLEEPing with me for too BLEEPing long! (MEL GIBSON pulls a semiautomatic pistol out of his jacket and unloads the entire clip into SATURN’S chest. LIBRA ducks under the table.) Die you BLEEPing piece of BLEEP!
SATURN: (Completely unimpressed) Yeah, like that was going to do you any good.
MEL GIBSON: BLEEP! BLEEP! I hate you motherBLEEPer! I don’t deserve the BLEEP you’ve BLEEPing given me! My Moon is at zero BLEEPing degrees Libra and it’s ruining my BLEEPing personal and professional life!
SATURN: (Calmly explaining to LIBRA, who is still under the table) Mr. Gibson is clearly displeased with the nature of my work. You see, it’s my job to —
MEL GIBSON: It should be your job to shut the BLEEP up and go BLEEP yourself! I hate you! You hear me? You do NOTHING for me!
SATURN: Actually, in the long run, I do plenty for you. You see, as a person goes through their life they do various things that could be considered “right” or “wrong,” both in a practical and a larger, spiritual sense. I’m just here to provide —
(Several security guards enter the room and drag MEL GIBSON away)
MEL GIBSON: I hope you get gangBLEEPed by a bunch of BLEEPs until your BLEEP falls off, you BLEEPing — (the guards drag MEL away and the door closes.)
LIBRA: (After a long pause) So, um… what’s in the suitcase?
SATURN: (Patting the suitcase affectionately) Karma. Lots and lots of Karma.
The lesson is this: Life always give you enough rope to hang on to, and enough to hang yourself with. The choice is yours.
We create our own dramas for our own amusement, and frequently participate in the dramas of others for the same reason. This is one of the reasons why television is so popular. It’s that time of year where many TV series are winding up, and this can leave people a little restless, having to wait months to find out what their favorite characters will do next. It’s enough to make a person want to create a little drama in their own story lines to fill in the gap.
I am a counselor, much like a regular counselor you’d see if there was a problem with your love life or your finances or your health or family. In many ways, it’s exactly that straightforward. Unlike most standard counselors, I don’t have to spend weeks or months fishing around for the finer details of your existence. I certainly don’t know EVERYTHING from looking at a birth chart, but it saves a tremendous amount of time that way.
With a birth chart in place, we can figure out fairly quickly, and in detail, exactly who you are, where you’re at, and where you’re headed.
Here is what I DON’T do:
I don’t tell you what (if anything) God, the Universe, Karma, or whatever really wants from you, or why. I don’t feel it’s my place to expound on these things. A doctor can tell you to change your diet or exercise more or whatever… but your doctor certainly shouldn’t pass himself off as a divine, all-knowing sage. There are a lot of people in my line of work who come across this way. I’m not comfortable with that. If I was, I’d be a priest or a rabbi or something.
If your sink is clogged, your plumber may advise you to stop pouring bacon fat down the drain. If he spends 45 minutes first telling you about the bad karma you generated during a past life as a pig farmer in Atlantis, does that get the water flowing any faster?
I provide guidance and clarity and a context for life, plus an assessment of where things are going to go… both for yourself and for the others in your life.
Welcome aboard. I hope to see you come back soon. Heck, I might even make it worth your while.
And one more thing: yes, I can see your future too…