(The first episode of “Conquer The Universe With Astrology: The Radio Show” begins August 19th! Subcribe to this blog for further details… or find me on Twitter (@MatthewCurrie) or on Facebook! Hope to see you all there!)
Welcome back to the exciting final round of “Should I Stay, Or Should I Go?”
Today’s contestant, Gemini, is on the verge of walking away with the Grand Prize… true love! Now Gemini, all you have to do is answer one question correctly. The cash value of the question represents the degree of difficulty involved. Naturally, you might want to pick an easier Sign… but playing it safe all the time didn’t get you as far as it has.
LIBRA ($200): If someone wants to go the same direction you want to go, but you’re always going in two different directions at once, can they keep up?
AQUARIUS ($200): There’s no question that you can be cool and dispassionate when you want to, knowing your partner will appreciate the affection when it comes later. But what if your partner has a chill schedule of his/her own?
ARIES ($400): If a train leaves Chicago traveling east at 50 miles per hours, and you want to go west, are you going to end up under this train instead of on it?
LEO ($400): If fun and passionate meet materialistic and possessive in a dark back alley, who will win the knife fight? And are you the darkened back alley?
SAGITTARIUS ($400): If two freedom fighters team up, and one of them changes flags every other day, how long until the two freedom fighters end up shooting each other, even by accident?
GEMINI ($600): If two people manage to travel in four directions at once, will either of them end up getting anywhere together, or everywhere?
VIRGO ($600): Emotionally, is X greater than Y, if Y equals Virgo? Solve for X. Having fun yet? Didn’t think so. It’s supposed to be a romance, not a math problem.
TAURUS ($800): If slow and steady wins the race, will you get tired of the prize and want to take up poker before you get to the finish line if you’re riding a Bull?
CAPRICORN ($800): If a hot air balloon has a relative weight of -50 pounds, how many boulders will a Capricorn pile on to ground it until the balloon turns into just an empty bag that doesn’t fly?
CANCER ($800): Which lasts longer: Cancer’s ability to dive deep into the dark waters of over-emotionality, or your ability to hold your breath while they drag you down with them?
SCORPIO ($1000): How many times per day do you need to be told to mentally and verbally “get to the point” before you trade in your honeymoon tickets to Hawaii for a bus ticket to Anywhere But Here?
PISCES ($1000): (Two part question) 1) A bird may love a fish, but where would they live? 2) How long will it take two birds to either eat two fish, or drown?
Go ahead, Gemini… pick a Grand Prize question. Or. if you prefer, just spin the wheel. That approach seems to work for you too…
I’ve found a solution. Below you will find snapshots presented in random order — brief extracts from the birth charts of some Significant Others — and how that part of them interacted with me both astrologically and observably.
Should any of the exes mentioned here come across this blog, they’ll probably recognize themselves. So, for you: you’ve been immortalized, in public, yet anonymously.
Isn’t that cunning of me? You always loved my brainpower…
Her Moon/Ascendant trines my Sun
Her Venus sextiles my Venus
Her Mars squares my Saturn
What fantastic buddies! What jolly partners in crime! Everything was great… but we fought. Neither of us wanted it, but the amazing energies released by Mars and Saturn always ended up coming out as anger and hostility in the end. We were like a nature film of two ants fighting, where one ant gets his head ripped off… but he keeps fighting anyway. Over and over and over…
Other than the frequent decapitations, it was great.
Her North Node conjuncts my Sun
Her Venus squares my Venus
Her Moon/Uranus conjunction squares my Moon/Mars opposition
I think you saw in me everything that you ultimately wanted in a man. What I don’t think you saw… and what I didn’t want to admit I saw… is that we started off in different directions and never really grew together. Which is a shame, because in a world full of crazy people, your craziness was kind and decent. May your Soul Mate Quest end as magically as you deserve.
Her Moon conjuncts my Moon (in Cancer)
Her Jupiter squares my Venus
Her Sun conjuncts my Uranus/Pluto conjunction
You’re so sweet and so caring, and you love cookies as much as I do. And you are beautiful: beautiful enough to make a living from it, but too modest and shy to make a real go of it. Which is a shame, because that quality only makes you more beautiful. You wear it well, and it reflects what’s inside you.
Too bad you thought I was completely nuts and unstable and I was completely NOT what your family wanted for you.
Her Mercury/Mars/Jupiter conjunction sextiles my Moon/trines my Mars
Her Pluto EXACTLY opposes my Saturn
Oh God! Everything about us was fantastic, from the bedroom where it started into the wild strange world we discovered together. But we were doomed and unstable together… as doomed and unstable as we were as individuals at that time. But, out of everyone listed here… I still empathize with you most of all. Shine on, you crazy diamond.
Her Sun squares my Moon and Mars
Her Neptune conjuncts my Sun
Her Saturn/South Node forms no aspects to anything in my chart
We certainly got each other’s attention, and in many ways seemed to be the answer to each other’s prayers. We were everything the other was looking for. And yet it had all the staying power of a house of cards in a hurricane, and the practical obstacles that could have been overcome looked like mountains, from my angle.
So I choked.
Her Ascendant conjuncts my Sun
Her Mercury opposes my Saturn
Her Sun squares my Mercury/Nodes
Everything about us had a feeling of Destiny. When we first met, casual though it was, time stopped, like a flashback scene from Highlander. We had known each other before, and would know each other again. And on top of that, we both seemed to be exactly what the other needed, even if we could never really define it. But when you told me you loved me… it felt forced. And I needed that from you, more than anything. More than with anyone else.
Of course, what I really needed was a mother, and what you really needed was a husband.
Too bad for both of us we already had those.
MODERATOR: Thank you for joining us for the first in a series of debates for the leadership of the Zodiac. Tonight, Gemini and Sagittarius will discuss the issues. Sagittarius has won the coin toss —
SAGITTARIUS: Well, I do have the reputation for being lucky…
MOD: — and will go first. Sag?
SAG: Thanks. A lot of people have complained that there is no real choice in this election. I’d like to take the time now to point out the many significant differences between myself and my opposing sign. First of all —
SAG: Beg your pardon?
GEM: You know, supposedly I have the reputation for being the yappy one. Two to one though says you’ve got ten minutes of material there about how you’re all philosophical and stuff, and how I’m just “flighty.”
SAG: Have you been reading my notes?
GEM: No, I just know you. I know how you can take one philosophical stance… whether you’ve really thought it through or not… and spin it into a long tale that sounds like it’s all well thought out. But sometimes it isn’t. And I’m calling you on it.
SAG: Listen, scatterbrain: you haven’t thought out your positions well enough to call anyone on anything. I say you just catalogue data and then use that to argue against anyone who thinks differently from you.
GEM: And that’s so different from you how, exactly?
SAG: I… you suck!
GEM: Yeah, well YOU suck!
MOD: Please, could we return to the debate please?
SAG: Who’s the nimrod who hired Virgo to moderate this thing anyway?
GEM: Yeah. Virgo’s kind of like us in a way, but they’re so… Virgo-ish.
SAG: Yeah. They’re that thing, that Virgo thing. They’re so… they’re like the intellectual hallway monitors of the Zodiac.
GEM: Good one, dude! (pauses) This debate sucks.
SAG: Yeah. Hey, wanna go drinking?
GEM: Sure, let’s go. I’ll drive.
SAG: No, I’ll drive.
GEM: No, I’ll drive!
Man, talk about having a bad week.
If you have a look at the birth chart above, you’ll probably notice two things. First of all, Pluto isn’t really doing much to be the bad guy in this situation. In fact, given that the only major aspect it’s performing on his birth chart now is a trine to his natal Venus, the divorce might in fact be a positive thing, ultimately. And Uranus and Neptune don’t seem to be all that involved in the current mess either.
Secondly, Saturn is squaring Morgan’s natal sun. This would be a vital clue in rectifying the birth chart. Given that, and the relatively weak opposition Saturn is making to the Moon, and an astrologer could easily start looking at a birth later in the evening, with a strong house placement for the Sun.
Although it conflicts with a late evening birth, I’ve always thought Morgan Freeman had a vaguely Leo-rising look. But it’s always a mistake to base a rectification on just one or two bits of data.
As of yet, there is no word as to whether it was Morgan or Myrna who initiated the divorce action. Maybe Morgan took advantage of the recent Venus-Pluto trine to take out the trash in his love life. Or maybe Myrna has the same sense of public relations that that Hasbro has had of late. Either way, it hasn’t been a good time in The House Of Freeman.
Morgan, if you’re out there… I’d love to help. Unfortunately, I only have one celebrity freebie to give out, and it is still reserved for Kat Von D, who is currently dating Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue.
Nikki, by the way, is a Sagittarius like me. It’s a step in the right direction, Kat, but I’m still waiting for your call…
Although Prince (formerly known as Formerly Known As) has been on the charts since the early 1980s, he continues to produce the same thoughtful, introspective, wildly shag-worthy music he always did. Like many artists (Cyndi Lauper comes to mind), he has produced consistently excellent work, but mainstream sales haven’t always reflected this.
I don’t know how much you paid for concert tickets last time you went… but I’m willing to bet our Gemini (June 7, 1958, 6:17 PM, Minneapolis MN) friend made a mountain off of money off the deal.
So I have to wonder what’s behind Prince’s recent unprecedented Internet rampage to eliminate all unauthorized images of himself and all trace of his music. Being worried about losing out because someone downloaded your song for free is one thing… but demanding a woman remove her home video of a toddler dancing to “Let’s Go Crazy”? Jeez.
Prince has Pluto right smack on his Midheaven, opposite his moon. Right there we have a recipe for emotional volatility, and given the Midheaven’s involvement, this is going to come out in the career. This is the sort of guy who can pull off a genius marketing ploy like the London giveaway. This is also the sort of guy who, at the peak of his fame, could suddenly change his name to a weird symbol with no proper pronouciation, thus leading to a spate of “The Artist Formerly Known As…” jokes.
Transiting Pluto is trining that natal Pluto/Midheaven now. Normally, most astrologers would say that this is a time when Prince would be making radical moves for the better in his career. Trying to get rid of every unauthorized trace of yourself on the Internet is certainly radical… but I wouldn’t normally think that threating your biggest fans with legal action is so good for business. Then again, I would have thought giving your album away was nuts. Either way, the Pluto transit is adding plenty of fuel to the fire. In time, we’ll see whether the Genius or the Lunatic wins the battle, this time around. Although with Saturn currently squaring his natal Mercury… which also rules his Eighth House Sun… and transiting Uranus squaring that Sun… I think the smart money may be on “lunatic.”
Since it’s pretty much impossible to find any Prince on the Internet these days, here’s a squirrel on water skis: