Category Archives: libra

Fun With Libra! (Another "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" Original Video)

They say Libra is the “partnership sign”: always either looking for a partner or compensating for their partner’s flaws. Sounds like the kind of people who’ll forgive me for a bit of teasing, don’t they? Let’s find out!

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Astrology For Life On Earth

Papers Please: Saturn Is Detained At The Virgo-Libra Border

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(SCENE: A small customs office at the Virgo-Libra border. Outside, on the Virgo side of the border, a small crowd is gathered, cheering and waving banners that say things like “Good Riddance!” and “See you in 28 Years!” On the Libra side of the border, a few somberly-dressed tour guides quietly await their new client. Inside the Custom’s Office, SATURN sits patiently in his long black robe at a desk while a LIBRA security guard examines SATURN’S papers.)

LIBRA: Business, or pleasure?

SATURN: Pleasure. (pauses) Just kidding.

LIBRA: Okay, everything looks in order here. You have baggage?

SATURN: (Lifts an improbably large suitcase) Just this one bag.

LIBRA: All right. The dogs didn’t smell any controlled substances (raises his rubber stamp above SATURN’S passport) so you’re all clear to —

(Suddenly, the door behind the guard bursts open, and MEL GIBSON bursts into the room)

MEL GIBSON: (Shouting) Stop that motherBLEEPing planet!! (His speech throughout is interrupted by a “bleeping” sound that seems to appear out of nowhere)

LIBRA: (Startled) What are you doing here? You aren’t even a Libra!

MEL GIBSON: This BLEEPer has been BLEEPing with me for too BLEEPing long! (MEL GIBSON pulls a semiautomatic pistol out of his jacket and unloads the entire clip into SATURN’S chest. LIBRA ducks under the table.) Die you BLEEPing piece of BLEEP!

SATURN: (Completely unimpressed) Yeah, like that was going to do you any good.

MEL GIBSON: BLEEP! BLEEP! I hate you motherBLEEPer! I don’t deserve the BLEEP you’ve BLEEPing given me! My Moon is at zero BLEEPing degrees Libra and it’s ruining my BLEEPing personal and professional life!

SATURN: (Calmly explaining to LIBRA, who is still under the table) Mr. Gibson is clearly displeased with the nature of my work. You see, it’s my job to —

MEL GIBSON: It should be your job to shut the BLEEP up and go BLEEP yourself! I hate you! You hear me? You do NOTHING for me!

SATURN: Actually, in the long run, I do plenty for you. You see, as a person goes through their life they do various things that could be considered “right” or “wrong,” both in a practical and a larger, spiritual sense. I’m just here to provide —

(Several security guards enter the room and drag MEL GIBSON away)

MEL GIBSON: I hope you get gangBLEEPed by a bunch of BLEEPs until your BLEEP falls off, you BLEEPing — (the guards drag MEL away and the door closes.)

LIBRA: (After a long pause) So, um… what’s in the suitcase?

SATURN: (Patting the suitcase affectionately) Karma. Lots and lots of Karma.

Astrology For Life On Earth

Astro-Singalong: Scorpio Drunk Dials The Libra Ex

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Send a heartbeat to the void that cries through you 
Relive the pictures that have come to pass 
For now we stand alone 
The world is lost and blown 
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate 
With no more to hate.

Is it bright where you are, and have the people changed?
Does it make you happy you’re so strange? 
And in your darkest hour 
My old secrets laid
We can watch the world devoured in its pain.

Delivered from the blast , the last of a line of lasts 
The pale princess of a palace cracked 
And now the kingdom comes 
Crashing down undone 
And I am a master of a nothing place 
Of recoil and grace

Is it bright where you are, and have the people changed?
Does it make you happy you’re so strange? 
And in your darkest hour 
I hold secrets flame 
We can watch the world devoured in its pain.

Time has stopped before us 
The sky cannot ignore us 
No one can separate us 
For we are all that is left 
The echo bounces off me 
The shadow lost beside me 
There’s no more need to pretend 
Cause now I can begin again.

Is it bright where you are, and have the people changed?
Does it make you happy you’re so strange?
And in your darkest hour 
my old secrets laid
We can watch the world devoured in its hate. 


-Smashing Pumpkins, “Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning”

Astrology For Life On Earth

Book Excerpt: Sun In Libra

(The first episode of “Conquer The Universe With Astrology: The Radio Show” begins August 19th! Subcribe to this blog for further details… or find me on Twitter (@MatthewCurrie) or on Facebook! Hope to see you all there!)

The symbol for Libra is The Scales, which is entirely appropriate. Libras love weighing things: whether to buy this shirt or that shirt, what to say to their creditors to keep them quiet for a while, their odds of getting attention at the bar tonight, and themselves (followed by the traditional complaining). They are considered to be a peaceful, agreeable, partnership-oriented person… which is largely a scam. Ultimately, Libras aren’t any more accommodating as anyone else: they simply have a gift for subtle persuasion of both themselves and others.

Libras aren’t actually any more attractive than anyone else, but they tend to come across that way because they think they’re attractive. Having unintentionally mastered that particular psychological trick, their next move is to cruise the horizon for a mate, like The Terminator scanning for someone to kill. Libra is often considered to be the “romantic” sign. And if by “romantic” you mean “having your way with someone and making them think it was their idea in the first place,” you’d be right. That doesn’t mean they are oversexed… once in a relationship, Libra can be as boring as everyone else.

Libras often appear to have little or no problem in life. That’s because they have mastered the art of projection: they don’t have control issues… you’re the one who’s acting up.

(And now, Shakira demonstrates which body part Libra rules.)
Astrology For Life On Earth

Ruled By Venus

Just because Taurus and Libra are both ruled by Venus, don’t assume they have the same approach to dating…
(Click it. It gets bigger!)

Now, today’s choice reruns:

Your Attention Please: The Capricorn Guide To Compatibility

The Radical Astrological Liberation Front (RALF) Guide To Uranus Through The Houses

Astrology For Life On Earth

Astrological Snapshots: True Tales Of Anonymous Old Loves

I’ve wanted to write more about compatibility here, but I haven’t given in to the temptation to talk about my own experiences. That didn’t seem right somehow, given that talking about old relationships naturally means talking about the other person… and this isn’t one of those blogs where I’m going to go on about specifics, like how Heppa The Icelandic Stripper promised me the world and then broke my heart. It’s not my style to wave other people’s dirty laundry around in public.

I’ve found a solution. Below you will find snapshots presented in random order — brief extracts from the birth charts of some Significant Others — and how that part of them interacted with me both astrologically and observably.

Should any of the exes mentioned here come across this blog, they’ll probably recognize themselves. So, for you: you’ve been immortalized, in public, yet anonymously.

Isn’t that cunning of me? You always loved my brainpower…


Her Moon/Ascendant trines my Sun

Her Venus sextiles my Venus

Her Mars squares my Saturn

What fantastic buddies! What jolly partners in crime! Everything was great… but we fought. Neither of us wanted it, but the amazing energies released by Mars and Saturn always ended up coming out as anger and hostility in the end. We were like a nature film of two ants fighting, where one ant gets his head ripped off… but he keeps fighting anyway. Over and over and over…

Other than the frequent decapitations, it was great.


Her North Node conjuncts my Sun

Her Venus squares my Venus

Her Moon/Uranus conjunction squares my Moon/Mars opposition

I think you saw in me everything that you ultimately wanted in a man. What I don’t think you saw… and what I didn’t want to admit I saw… is that we started off in different directions and never really grew together. Which is a shame, because in a world full of crazy people, your craziness was kind and decent. May your Soul Mate Quest end as magically as you deserve.


Her Moon conjuncts my Moon (in Cancer)

Her Jupiter squares my Venus

Her Sun conjuncts my Uranus/Pluto conjunction

You’re so sweet and so caring, and you love cookies as much as I do. And you are beautiful: beautiful enough to make a living from it, but too modest and shy to make a real go of it. Which is a shame, because that quality only makes you more beautiful. You wear it well, and it reflects what’s inside you.

Too bad you thought I was completely nuts and unstable and I was completely NOT what your family wanted for you.


Her Mercury/Mars/Jupiter conjunction sextiles my Moon/trines my Mars

Her Pluto EXACTLY opposes my Saturn

Oh God! Everything about us was fantastic, from the bedroom where it started into the wild strange world we discovered together. But we were doomed and unstable together… as doomed and unstable as we were as individuals at that time. But, out of everyone listed here… I still empathize with you most of all. Shine on, you crazy diamond.


Her Sun squares my Moon and Mars

Her Neptune conjuncts my Sun

Her Saturn/South Node forms no aspects to anything in my chart

We certainly got each other’s attention, and in many ways seemed to be the answer to each other’s prayers. We were everything the other was looking for. And yet it had all the staying power of a house of cards in a hurricane, and the practical obstacles that could have been overcome looked like mountains, from my angle.

So I choked.


Her Ascendant conjuncts my Sun

Her Mercury opposes my Saturn

Her Sun squares my Mercury/Nodes

Everything about us had a feeling of Destiny. When we first met, casual though it was, time stopped, like a flashback scene from Highlander. We had known each other before, and would know each other again. And on top of that, we both seemed to be exactly what the other needed, even if we could never really define it. But when you told me you loved me… it felt forced. And I needed that from you, more than anything. More than with anyone else.

Of course, what I really needed was a mother, and what you really needed was a husband.

Too bad for both of us we already had those.



Astrology For Life On Earth

I’m Libra, And I Approved This Message

My opposing sign, Aries, has made some damaging accusations that I would like to address.

The Aries style of leadership has alienated many allies and has been called “ram headed.” Aries has clearly lost track of how fair debate works, in it’s all-consuming rush to be first. Is that the kind of leadership our Zodiac deserves?

I have a twelve point plan for leading The Zodiac, with your role in each step clearly delineated. Drop by my place and we’ll talk about it some time. I just re-decorated… you’ll love it!

It’s only through co-operation that we’ll every get anywhere in this life, and I am, after all… the partnership sign. And since when has a willingness to hear another person’s viewpoint been a sign of weakness? It takes real strength to overcome your own opinions to hear the other guy’s side. Jeez, Aries… back off on the caffeine already.

I’m Libra, and I authorized this message.

Astrology For Life On Earth

True Tales Of Teen Heartbreak: The Libra Guide To Compatibility

You hear a lot that Libras are all about the romance because it’s a Venus-ruled sign. I’m not sure that’s entirely the point. I think most people are suckers for a good romance story, with all the twists and turns required for Boy to finally be with Girl. And Libras love the “love story” part of Love. That’s probably why you find so many Libras who have an interest in astrology… it’s like one of those “making of” documentaries on a romance movie DVD.

Here are the payoffs and pitfalls of Libras relationships with the other signs, expressed in terms those lovers of love will appreciate. Something that captures all the vibrancy and willful disregard for reality that Libras crave…. romance comics!

ARIES: Pretty exciting stuff. Adventurous, motivated, and straight to the point. The problem is that even the best road has a couple of unexpected potholes… and Aries is just exciting enough to make you forget to put your helmet on.

TAURUS: They love the lovin’ just as much as you do… and who couldn’t love that? The problem: you love to be loved, but not necessarily possessed, and certainly not ordered around.

GEMINI: Charming. Witty. Fun. Affectionate. There will never be any doubt in your mind that Gemini loves you, except on the days his identical twin The Jerk shows up.

CANCER: Great depth of emotion. Tremendous power when in love. But when they cling to you… or when they think you’re sneaking out to flirt with other boys… ouch!

LEO: Great fun. Terribly romantic. Irresistibly kitty-cuddly-cute when they put their mind to it. But notice how their picture is the biggest one in this article? That was Leo’s idea, baby. Get used to it.

VIRGO: Admittedly they can be charming, and the things that logical little mind of there’s can come up with are adorable. But let’s be honest: some days they just aren’t that romantic at all.

LIBRA: Okay, show of hands: how many of you out there can name a romance story you loved where two people who are completely different end up together anyway? Okay, now… how many of you can name a romance story you loved about two identical romantics who got together, everything was just great, and they spent the rest of their lives that way? Yeah, thought so. Romance is as much about the differences as it is about the similarities.

SCORPIO: Such passion! Such intensity! Such bruising when they slip and completely forget that a relationship is about compromise!

SAGITTARIUS: They’re a lot of fun. They know how to have a good time. You’ll like the playfulness. But will you ever get past that nagging notion they’re just horsing around with the relationship instead of taking it seriously?

CAPRICORN: The good news: He’s solid. He’s dependable. He’s determined and hard working. The bad news: this is the guy your Mom wanted you to marry. How appealing is that?

AQUARIUS: He has a light touch. He’s interesting, intelligent, and different. The problem here is that he’s on his own world half the time… not yours.

PISCES: What started out as a refreshing dip into the deep waters of Lake Dewey-Eyes can quickly turn into being surrounded by weird, creepy things that don’t even breathe the same way you do. And believe me… on a bad day, you’ll want to come up for air.

Astrology For Life On Earth

How Libras Get Their Way

(Scene: The Matthew The Astrologer laboratories. MATT types at the keyboard while in the background, LIBRA re-arranges the magazines on the coffee table.)

MATT: God, this is frustrating!

LIBRA: What’s that, honey?

MATT: I was all pumped and ready to write something about the influence of this last New Moon in Libra, and all I can do is sit around and read poetry online and crap like that. It was trining my natal Venus, so you’d think I’d have something to say about it. But I’m stuck for words.

LIBRA: I notice you changed the layout on the blog. I like it. It’s my favourite.

MATT: Me too. (Pauses) Wait, isn’t this the same color scheme you said you liked last week?

LIBRA: Yes sweetie. I see you like it too.

MATT: Funny thing is, a few days ago I wasn’t sure it was professional-looking enough.

LIBRA: I remember you saying that. (Pinches MATT’S cheek) You’re so silly!

MATT: Come to think of it, I was dead-set against it.

LIBRA: Actually, what you said was “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

MATT: And the more I thought about it the more I didn’t like it. Matter of fact, I couldn’t stand it. But after you gave me that neck rub I calmed down. But I still didn’t like it that much.

LIBRA: You liked it when I said that colour scheme brought out your eyes. (LIBRA runs her fingers through MATT’S hair) You have beautiful eyes.

MATT: Thanks. But I didn’t actually say I’d change everything just because you liked it… I said “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

LIBRA: But someone as smart… and handsome… as you knows the value of reconsidering things you may not have questioned otherwise. Otherwise, you might just be wrong. And you wouldn’t want to be wrong about something this important to me, would you? it’s called “partnership,” and even monkeys know the value of partnership. (Squealing with delight) Look at the monkey! He’s so cute! You liked my monkey idea too!

MATT: Well… (sighing) I suppose, since you like it so much, it can stay.

LIBRA: That’s what I adore about you. You understand how partnership works. (Pauses thoughtfully) Would you be willing to co-sign a loan for me?

MATT: I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I’ve seen your spending habits.

LIBRA: I love a man who knows how to be responsible. It’s so… manly.

MATT: (Pauses) Okay. I’ll think about it…

Astrology For Life On Earth