Category Archives: sagittarius

Fun With Sagittarius! (Another "Conquer The Universe With Astrology" Original Video)

Oh, Sagittarius… bouncing through life so carefree and– look out! Whew. Sometimes that easygoing carefree disregard you have for common sense can be a little… what? Ah, I see. You’ve already thought it out. Well, then, I’m sure that you can go on juggling chain saws indefinitely without harm

For the rest of you, here’s Sagittarius…

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Astrology For Life On Earth

Book Excerpt: Sun In Sagittarius


(The first episode of “Conquer The Universe With Astrology: The Radio Show” begins August 19th! Subcribe to this blog for further details… or find me on Twitter (@MatthewCurrie) or on Facebook! Hope to see you all there!)

The symbol for Sagittarius is the Centaur. That’s because (although anyone can make a horse’s ass of themselves) Sagittarians are actually born that way. They have an open, trusting, and bouncy approach to life, which is perhaps why they are prone to bouncing into open pits more than any other sign. Their faith in life is so deeply wired into them that they often literally don’t bother to look where they are going, and thus tend to be accident-prone. That’s also the excuse they use for most of their relationship failures.

Sagittarians have a reputation for being freedom-loving and independent. This is how they like to see it — everyone else merely thinks of them as being reckless and not taking direction well.

People are rarely surprised when a gay Sagittarius comes out of the closet, because they were usually broadcasting it to the world without trying. You can usually count on a Sagittarius to broadcast whatever is on their mind… their kid, their complaints about work, the details of their hernia operation, and so on. They are considered to be natural communicators, which is a nice way of saying they have an open-mouth policy. In the classic fairy tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” the kid who pointed out that the Emperor was actually naked was probably a Sagittarius. And if the Emperor had been one too, he would have probably countered with something like “Yeah, and it’s GREAT! How do you all like my junk?”

***
Astrology For Life On Earth

Astro-Karaoke: Venus In Sagittarius

(To the tune of “Theme From Bonanza”)

In bounced a girl with her hair in a curl – she Saggie!
If she goes home with anyone here
I think it’s gonna be me!

Three drinks in and she’s loaded for sin – that’s Saggie!
A suggestive wink and one more drink
And to my place we go!

Hey she’s gone, left by dawn
After she rocked my world!
I thought we’d wed, where was my head? She’s Saggie!
I should have known my chances were blown
When I told her what to do…

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Astrology For Life On Earth

Things Go Wrong At The Gemini-Sagittarius Debate

MODERATOR: Thank you for joining us for the first in a series of debates for the leadership of the Zodiac. Tonight, Gemini and Sagittarius will discuss the issues. Sagittarius has won the coin toss —

SAGITTARIUS: Well, I do have the reputation for being lucky…

MOD: — and will go first. Sag?

SAG: Thanks. A lot of people have complained that there is no real choice in this election. I’d like to take the time now to point out the many significant differences between myself and my opposing sign. First of all —

GEMINI: Bor-ing!

SAG: Beg your pardon?

GEM: You know, supposedly I have the reputation for being the yappy one. Two to one though says you’ve got ten minutes of material there about how you’re all philosophical and stuff, and how I’m just “flighty.”

SAG: Have you been reading my notes?

GEM: No, I just know you. I know how you can take one philosophical stance… whether you’ve really thought it through or not… and spin it into a long tale that sounds like it’s all well thought out. But sometimes it isn’t. And I’m calling you on it.

SAG: Listen, scatterbrain: you haven’t thought out your positions well enough to call anyone on anything. I say you just catalogue data and then use that to argue against anyone who thinks differently from you.

GEM: And that’s so different from you how, exactly?

SAG: I… you suck!

GEM: Yeah, well YOU suck!

MOD: Please, could we return to the debate please?

SAG: Who’s the nimrod who hired Virgo to moderate this thing anyway?

GEM: Yeah. Virgo’s kind of like us in a way, but they’re so… Virgo-ish.

SAG: Yeah. They’re that thing, that Virgo thing. They’re so… they’re like the intellectual hallway monitors of the Zodiac.

GEM: Good one, dude! (pauses) This debate sucks.

SAG: Yeah. Hey, wanna go drinking?

GEM: Sure, let’s go. I’ll drive.

SAG: No, I’ll drive.

GEM: No, I’ll drive!

SAG: No…

Astrology For Life On Earth

My Binge With Britney: One More Round Of Crazy As Pluto Leaves Sagittarius

(SCENE: The Rogue Celebrity Containment Facility in Los Alamos. BRITNEY SPEARS sits on the edge of her bed. On the couch next to it is MATTHEW THE ASTROLOGER, with a tape recorder running next to him)

M: I’m here to formally apologize to you, Ms. Spears.

B: Yeah. You know, I was kinda hurt by everything that has happened to me the last few months, but you failing to provide a proper warning about how the custody thing was gonna turn out with my kids.

M: Well, technically, it was you going off the rails afterwards that really blew the deal.

B: But you’re an astrologer! You’re supposed to see these things coming!

M: I can foresee the patterns… and I did. But I can’t think for you. And I’m not perfect. Besides… for better or worse, you were just being yourself. And being yourself, loud and proud, is one of the things a Sag does best. It’s why we were born when we were. I know this from personal experience. The others need us to… to…

B: Inspire them with our boundless leaps of faith?

M: I was thinking more along the lines of “serve as a warning.” But I like your phrasing better. There’s also a certain problem with objectivity. It can happen in any form of counselling. I like you. I think you’re a really good person. I genuinely want the best for you. So maybe it blunted my assessment of the situation. Still, going over the stuff I said on my blog, I can still stand by my predictions. I just wish things were better for you. It’s been crazy times for me too… believe me.

B: So when is this crap going to end for me? For us?

M: Never, because that’s just the kind of people you and I are. But I like to think it’ll settle down when Pluto leaves Sagittarius in a few days. My best friend, for example, has Sun and Moon in Sag, and she’s up and marrying a guy in Australia she only met less than a month ago.

B: Wow. You mean… sometimes there’s a lesson to be had in all this craziness?

M: Yup. Or so I like to think. Speaking of crazy, you know what I’ve been up to the last four or five months?

B: No, what?

(MATTHEW reaches over to stop the tape recorder)

(Twelve minutes later, recording re-starts)

M: …So that’s why I brought this bottle of Jack Daniels. I figure if I wasn’t that much use to you or myself as an astrologer, we can at least commiserate.

B: I have Percocets to go with that!

M: Party on, Brit… party on. (pours the booze into two Styrofoam cups) My buddy’s throwing a big party to mark her leaving the continent for good. You gonna come?

B: Will there be designated drivers?

M: A couple of Geminis have volunteered.

B: (Pauses to consider) I’m feeling lucky. Count me in! (pops open pill bottle) Cheers!

.

Astrology For Life On Earth

They’re Off And Running! The Sagittarius Guide To Compatibility

Sagittariuses are always being accused of treating their love lives as if they were a sporting event, rather than like love lives. And why not? There’s anticipation, competition, and… more often than not… someone loses. So in that spirit, here’s the handy Sagittarius race card for who’s in the running, with odds of a win. No horse in this race is a guaranteed winner, but some bets are a lot safer than others. Then again, no guts, no glory…

Here are today’s odds on a winning relationship for you, Sag:

Aries and Leo (3:2 odds): A fairly safe bet. Popular favourites, both these Fire signs have the sport you require. You may find Aries is awfully hard to steer into the chute, and Leo is sometimes more interested in being a show pony than a race winner.

Gemini (3:1 odds): Quick, responsive, and sporty… much like yourself. This is a pairing that often has people saying “oh gosh, you two are perfect for each other!” The problem is that despite the horseplay, deep down you have a thick, chewy philosophical center. You may never get past the sneaking suspicion that, with Gemini, it’s question marks all the way down…

Libra and Aquarius (4:1 odds): Both good bets, overall, with proven records of performance. Generally pleasant to get along with. Libra sometimes has a preference for standing there are just looking pretty when the bell rings. Aquarius is a bit of a rebel, and you like that… but sometimes it’s hard to figure out what they’re rebelling against. It may be you.

Virgo and Pisces (5:1 odds): Both unusual choices: the squares to one’s own sign aren’t where you usually look for a safe relationship bet. But both of these tend to outperform in long muddy stretches, compared to their reputations. Who knows why? You probably just love the challenge. Pisces is sometimes lacking the horse sense you require in a mate, and Virgo on a bad day? Nag, nag, nag…

Taurus (6:1 odds): A bull… not a horse. This can lend a lot of stability to a relationship… something Sagittarius usual forgets to bring to the table. Pleasant and generally kind… but if you were expecting to saddle up a Bull and get anywhere quickly… you’re in the wrong race, pal.

Cancer (8:1 odds): Jupiter rules Sagittarius, and is exalted in Cancer. Theoretically, this should make for great mutual joy and a solid philosophical relationship. The problem here is that crabs are designed to withstand accidental trampling… but they’re always waiting for it too. And you’ll provide it… probably by accident. So long, Crab.

Sagittarius (9:1 odds) SAG 1: I’m having a great time! SAG 2: Me too! Did you remember to bring the stability? SAG 1: No dude, I thought you had that covered. SAG 2: And, damn, we’re outta beer. SAG 1: It’s okay, I’ll go to the store and get more. SAG 2: You aren’t coming back, are you? SAG 1: Probably not. SAG 2: Okay. Later, dude…

Capricorn (10:1 odds): Obstinate, stubborn, and although they can have a fiery temperament, that fire doesn’t seem to be fuelling anything visible, a lot of the time. They can provide a valuable stabilizing, steering force in your life. Do you need that? Hell yeah! Do you like that? If your answer is “yes,” it’s time for the veterinarian to cut back on your tranquilizers.

Scorpio (15:1 odds): They have all the intensity and focus you lack. Of course, you never really asked for intensity and focus. or you did, and it just isn’t your style. They like sex though, and you do too. A sure winner… provided all the other horses break their legs first, and Scorpio doesn’t break yours.

Oh, and one more thing, Sagittarius? You’ve already got a bad enough reputation for running around on your relationships. Don’t go betting on the trifecta, okay?


Astrology For Life On Earth

Bold Astrological Prediction: Ann Coulter Will Continue To Disappoint

Assuming that Ann Coulter hasn’t lied about her date of birth (and there is plenty of reason she has, possibly for illegal purposes, I believe we are about to see the spectacular results of how nasty an eclipse can get.

Based on the assumption that the December 8/61 birth date is correct, here’s what’s hitting for Ann:

The September 11th eclipse point is squaring her Natal Sun and Mars, transiting mars is opposing the Sun/Mars conjunction, and Pluto is conjuncting the natal moon. If we had a confirmed time of birth, we could determine the house rulerships involved. Although I haven’t done a proper rectification for her chart, offhand I’m thinking she was born around 8 or 9 in the morning. Capricorn rising suits her cheekbones, and Saturn in Capricorn in the first suits her not-so-warm and fuzzy style. What’s even more interesting is that a birth around that time would put her Midheaven in Scorpio, which is traditionally ruled by Mars.

…And today her new book, If Democrats Had Any Brains They’d Be Republicans, hits the shelves. I have a strong suspicion that it isn’t going to sell like hotcakes as her stuff usually does.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m probably just making decisions based on silly emotional thinking. Just like a woman… particularly, a single woman, who Ann has pointed out recently can’t be trusted with something as important as voting.

Sure… I get laughed at for trying to predict the future, and Ann Coulter makes money off of trying to revive the caveman days. There just ain’t no justice…

Astrology For Life On Earth

Sagittarius Luck: Behind The Wheel With Britney Spears

The ongoing effects on Britney Spear’s of the September 11th eclipse extend to her 12th House (legal/governmental matters)and her Third House (which rules among other things, driving and getting around).

In (I swear!) completely unrelated news from TMZ.com, Britney is following the classic “I’m feelin’ lucky!” approach to her current lack of a driver’s license. In this case, I criticise because I’m a Sagittarius, and I’ve tried this approach myself. You’d be surprised how often it works: ask any Sagittarius, like (for example) multiple-Sag George Armstrong Custer, who was such a lucky guy he could get away with ignoring his scouts whenever he was “feeling lucky.”

It’s a strategy that only failed him once. Overall, that’s pretty good odds.

In the meantime, Technorati told me to do this: Technorati Profile so I’m doing it. No sense in pushing my luck…


UPDATE: The big news today is Britney losing custody of her kids. However, according to her lawyer, this is because of the driver’s licence issue. So, as far as reasons to have the courts take your kids away, this one is pretty minor and reasonable. Or so it seems. Whew.
Astrology For Life On Earth